Friday 30 August 2013

30/08/2013 - HANS CHRISTIAN ANDERSEN

Hans Christian Andersen dyes the doctor’s hair blonde and gets away with it. Only HCA can manage such a feat of corpulence, he alone can disrupt the very cadence of nature in fluctuation. He makes animals talk and the devil’s own’s eyes gasp in the name of hereditary gumption. It’s the kind of sweet he likes to scoff when reading plagiaristic articles about his life. It makes his moustache smirk and fleck itself with cardigan fibres. HCA is a madman when it comes to cleaning lint off of his shoulder blades; they always manage to cut him somehow, like a rapier. It makes the rest of his limbs scatter.

Meanwhile his doctor is a woman and she isn’t taking no for answer from most of her sorry-legged child patience. She secretly wants to overthrow the comix scene with her own brand of miscreant hair gel, thereby creating spikes and a future of tapestry poking. She is a virtuous finger with a tape recorder but a bowing bounty for all those who seek medical professionals with blonde streaks in their hair. The actors she works for are reticent to say the least, Francophiles with sleepy directions going ahead of their scrabble scores. The tyre tracks are brotherly and sisterly, great no matter the gear rattled gender. To be so blind to genitalia is an implosive pastime, it’ll only result in volcano people coming forth to demand their money back from where there money has never been nor will ever even touch delicately. The daredevils shoot out of the woodwork and lay claim to the doctor and her HCA attacker, stating to the media at large that they are perpetrators of most unorthodox actions in the Middle East. The fantasy of a comix collection about painful doctrine is just that, a fantastic premise for a crafty yarn. Neil untangles those kind of yarns with a slippery calm, it knocks him right onto his centre and splits most of his facial expressions like a lip on a fat tiger.

This isn’t about Neil and his fiddly finger though, this is a testimony against Hans Christian Andersen’s gadding about in the waiting room. He was last seen flinging clipboards at erstwhile patients in the hopes that they might promote themselves to uncomfortable, wonky plastic chairs rather than the cushioned but significantly sinkable armchairs they are currently hogging. Fortunately his actions are so far for naught, who would want to give a fine upstanding storyteller anymore than his due? His characters are in support of his misbehaviour because they are his children and are simply expected to do so. If they ever broke their letter-based programming then they would simply cease to be fun anymore so I supposed we should take what they choose to regard with a pinch of cardiac arrest. That way Neil doesn’t get to unpick the really bad stuff ahead of his clientele’s wishes. There are two slices left for him to unthread so we’ll leave him at that. He’ll be happy enough.

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