12/11/2013 - DUE TO A SUDDEN COLLISION

Due to a sudden collision with my naked undercarriage, the poisoned fruit will not be available for another four months. We are sorry to have to make this announcement but sometimes in life you just have accept that bygones are bygones. The impatience of How To guides will do little to help you walk across the ceiling, even less for power walking. It's more about meditation, compulsive whiny meditation of the soggy limbs. Speech comes thrumming through when your mind least expects it and that's supposed to be a good thing, a healthy promise for a grand old summer by the sea. Seven out of half a dozen doctors agree that the wool will make you better all by itself, sometimes because of the sheep configuration. Wrapping the truncheon around them has become an outmoded concept and rightly so in my lofty book of mischievous comments.

            Conductors are tapping on their keyboards simultaneously to see what the effects are, will be and could never be in the ultimate outcome of slow motion reality. Their qualifications are burnt onto their retinas, leaving them blind to everything except the indelible marks on the jacket. These were caused by some sort of cake walk gone terribly wrong in Nice. Mincing words leads to twerking like dishevelled towers in the bleeting connectivity of a celebrity snog and its backpacking owner. You might as well call it an ornament for half the things it doesn't do. It leaves all the dots upside down and never explains why electric furnace doesn't melt itself at the thought of steamy pictures of gossamer pool boys.

            Books are the secret of bookmarks and exiting either will lead to a fairly massive boom in your operative system and that might mean no more chocolate sniffing in the funeral home. It's disrespectful and only gains moderate applause which should hit your ears like appalling roughage. Saddening the heart saddens my heart but charms the sliver of something in my qualified pockets. They did their scholarly duty at Melbourne but soon left due to an unreasonable amount of chalk being dumped on their flitting, fitting mindsets. Axles rake up the green by taking library junk and stuffing it all into a wood chipper and forgetting to turn it on good and proper. The atrocities of war are matched only by the referees who lose track of the game.

            Please don't fall out. Please try out the arcane and see if you can treat it as a handicap in this gangly grindstone with its hollowed out introspection and absurd collection of Russian polymers. Farting Siberians will no doubt come to ask you how long they have left on their tariff but you are under no obligation to answer them without the aid of a French stick in a Belgian stream. The barnstorm will grow out of itself and may manufacture malt mittens. This woman has an allergy to rubber, a problem with the set square. This, of course, changes everything in the name of freedom.