Friday 29 November 2013

29/11/2013 - EUROPEAN FUNCTIONS

            European functions: solicitation, inebriation, saddling up, flagging down, legislations. Operations work in anaemic but fully registered ways. The man with the forehead and the beard wants to eat your harvested advertisements, he wants to scoff the treble clef and make a rapid retort to all sci-fi fans, something in the spirit of 'Ay, aw wazzocks!' Critics say that it isn't a sport and they really don't care who wins unless eleven trouser presses are involved in the prize-giving. The devil is alive and well in the tidy bedroom where all the bronze and silver medals are kept to keep them stuffy and beefy.
            There was only four slices and the thorny thirty percent are frying the placentas in bacon grease. Where has the freshness gone? Is it somewhere ludicrous? The warbles I've been hearing, have been bearing down on me like a sauna full of earnest teaching assistants which is to say not too badly. I'll try the toast but you should know that I'm going to turn it down quicker than a titanic hallway through the shuttlecock night. Wherever you go you should always brook a storm with the thin bit between your legs, that's the keystone method that most monkish fellows like to use provided that the ladies aren't looking with their metallic beat downs in readiness. Everything shakes up everything else and the hair we pull loose is not too straggly that we can't make polished guitars with them. It's not the sort of thing that ever stops play, it doesn't even stunt its growth let alone hold its fire. We say fuck, it says gladly. We say prepare to open the door, they say stitch that my old son. We say go on to become a memory, they say we've already had one thanks and that made us puke for a fortnight. The corporeal confessions come only after minutes of fine-tuning and calculator button pressing and they come in neatly-wrapped bags with paper tags at the top. We wouldn't just trust our nerdy vices with anyone.

            And if you should ever find yourself lonely and in dire need of company then make amends with the devil, he has a pocket filled with something akin to womanly hips and he'll let one drop out if you give him the passkey to chocolate heaven. He's a horned gent with too much of a sweet tooth, hence why he hasn't actually done much in recent times. The true-hearted individual will reclaim the kingdom with the final knock on a raft-shaped door, they're hearts will curl into something cuter than a kitten in a basket and will cause their pain receptors to bleed. Carrying on does nothing more than maintain maintenance without the useful aid of a sharp carrot. Don't worry, don't think too much, don't let the promises hold you back from the big grey goal you made to your parents in a well-remembered childhood, don't go down to the woods today. Your next trick will be itself unto itself unto themselves.  

No comments:

Post a Comment