She said I wouldn't ever use the
cordite candelabra - proved her wrong. The ray-gun was a tired ideology and not
worth the endless hours of backlog and intrepid trepidation. I picked a
virtuous route and fled the valley in search of paint pots and cider cans and
maybe something that would fit into my sock drawer despite its diamond
formation. I refuse to believe that she would answer back before the post got
round to having its way with her red, red lips. SHEATHES EVERYWHERE, I
proclaimed, SHEAFS EVERYWHERE AND NOT A THING TO DO. It was a cruelty and one
that doesn't go down well with a garnish or at least any garnish I know. I'm
familiar with so many garnishes that the atmosphere couldn't handle the lexicon
of my flavours. I run my own ship business while I'm on this Earth and I'll be
damned if you go and pull the plug expectedly. Graver errors have been made and
I have sought to pulverise them all. Succeeded too, on occasion. Normally with
a few umbrellas tucked under each arm.
It serves to be as short as I
am: I can wrangle with the best of them and not have to pay leisure toll or
volition tax. The edges are browning around this economy and I dare you to tidy
away my fragmented thought pattern into those little packages you insist on.
What do you say to that? Huh?
I say duck, you motherfucker!
You shady-faced, brassiere-wearing git bastard from Mars! Marsden is the only
real continent and don't you go telling me what to do with her hips. She holds
the time hands and pulls back the arms to see just what's residing inside the
elbows. Salivate at the prospect of meeting her ring and beg for forgiveness at
my behest. I DON'T TRUST THEM, I rant, I DON'T DISLIKE THEIR OPINIONS ENOUGH.
I've always been negative like that. I suppose I blame you if I have no other
reason to. You picked out the curtains and left me to die but you don't see me
crying about the merger, do you? I'll waste you myself if you don't shut your
trapdoor. Soon enough. Be wakeful. Try not to wheeze.
Believe it when I say goodbye to
your hamster and its sadistic way of life. Who in their right mind would
asphyxiate a walrus with beady little claws? It's sinister yet completely
irrational. Someone told me they didn't believe it till they saw it and since
seeing it they can't quite get out of the living room. You shouldn't have
exposed your key ring collection like that, the good people of this town just
aren't ready for it. It's not so much that you're a vile human being, its that
you do vile things with virile cherubs. You don't even knock on the pearly
gates anymore, you just barge in and hope to drag a few winged ones away before
they notice. I really don't know why I'm telling you this. Are you listening?
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