17/09/2013 - WE'RE TANTALISING DOORWAYS

                We're tantalising doorways so that they become gateways and put on the really sexy tights. Then they'll stand adjacent to Australian comedians and spout mindless clichés about life outside the domino dome with all its on-high tampering and wizened disc jockeys. The weed doesn't even get a look in these days, let alone the meth. Bricks come out and play with hangman swords and transfer them into inscrutable data that is blipped and then bleeped onto harmonic cuboid prints. Features conclude the hypothesis but merely understand the paradigm into a new game of hardball physics. And we'll say please, please, please, please, please, please, please bulldoze the Boston Bakers Association Clubhouse. The registrar might let us in but then we'll rush him before he can twist our harpsichord basics into simulated achievements. Could we go on to go off in a permanent way? Cream cakes for paedophiles to be submerged in incorrigible water. It hardens the skin apparently with milk and mud. The defence of the apple is laying siege to the very thought of their escapade, ravaging the league with sentimental skyward conceptualisation. Just off-centre, as it turns out.

            It's a story we constantly make mistakes with, compromising the bystander line with Spanish influenza so that the constituents might go home and think of what they've done. It won't take them long to realise that it was in fact entirely fair and that we served only to interrupt them long enough to have a pool party. Limes all round! Could you put up with anything less than lemons on the television? It's a full time experience, it puts pressure on sixteen year olds throughout Somerset. It's a great way to get rid of that stinking pustule called peer pressure once and for all and encourage homosexual reproduction. It'll take some years to grab onto the appropriate science but we'll get there. We're starting up investigations in Hull. We're using former Navy Seals because who cares for them and their incandescent pep talk procedure? It cuts the underhanded to the quick and produces false illusions with pay check connections. You might see what we're doing but we'll still get there a lot faster without you and your depraved finesse. Step aside, we've only just started to drag the lake for gibbons. Yes, go over there and make good use of that brick wall of pyramid forces. That's an experiment too, it involves honey and that's all I can tell you until the debriefing.

            So you just stand there and consider the lines of symmetry on your friend's face, the pretty friend with the boobs and potatoes and the powerful singing voice. You're already clocking out so we'll just slip the auteur just underneath your crotch. We're hoping to get a reading of just how aroused you get and then make a feature-length film from it. The director won't be chosen because he's no better than the producer. We'll just announce him like the nonce she is. It's a step up from filming corduroy anyway.